As Long As You're Happy
by fantasticxfoursome
Summary: Dan gets back from being in the army for four years, and doesn't get used to normal life straight away. It takes him awhile, but he finally starts making videos again. Now Vidcon is coming up, and Dan is extremely nervous about going for obvious reasons. Luckily, he has Phil there.


"Phil, I'm really not sure if I want to do this," Dan Lester said to his husband.

"I know it's scary, after everything that you've been through but… this will be good for you. It'll help you get over all of your nightmares and demons," Phil told him.

"I've only been back a year and I've made three videos," Dan mumbled. "I-I don't know what to do about this…"

"Three videos is pretty good though," Phil reassured him. "Considering…"

Dan sighed as he looked over at Phil. "How long do we have until Vidcon?" He asked.

"Three days, so you still have plenty of time to think about it. But, I really do think that you should go and meet all of your viewers. You haven't done something like this in a long time."

It's been a year since Dan Howell-Lester had gotten back from fighting in the war- he'd been gone for four years. Dan had always wanted to go into the army and fight in the war when he was a little kid. But now that he's actually been through it… he never knew why he wanted to do it so bad, because it was the scariest and definitely the most hardest thing he'd ever done in his life before. He was gone for four years, fighting and praying that he would make it out alive. It was hard because he had to leave his family behind, and he had to leave his boyfriend behind. Dan had never been away for so long, and he honestly didn't know how he managed to do it.

Now he was back home with his husband, they had just gotten married to each other a few months before Dan went off into the war. They had gotten together in 2009, now eight years later, they were still together and going strong after everything that had happened.

It had taken Dan a good few months to get back to normal after he returned, as he was still facing the demons he went through in the war, having nightmare's still. It was little things that shook him up and would send him into panic mode. Dan never told Phil anything graphic that happened in the war, for obvious reasons. Phil just pictured in his mind what Dan went through.

But Phil knew that whatever happened, it was the reason why Dan was always having panic attacks over the littlest things; such as people screaming, loud bangs, and various other things that had just been apart of daily life before. Phil felt horrible that Dan had to go through this alone. He had even suggested that Dan go see a therapist, but Dan refused and they never talked about it again, because Phil knew he would get upset and he really didn't want that.

AmazingPhil: Trying to convince danisnotonfire to go to Vidcon this weekend with me… he's being very stubborn D: Send him some positive thoughts and lots of love xx

"Phiiiiil!" Dan whined as he walked into the lounge, a couple hours later.

"Yes?" Phil asked, looking up from his laptop with an innocent smile on his face.

"My twitter has exploded. Why did you tweet that?" Dan asked, crossing his arms against his chest as he stared at Phil. "I told you that I would think about it," he sighed.

"I'm sorry love," Phil apologized. "But… I just wanted to give you an extra push. People want to see you and they want to meet you. People haven't been able to meet you for five years."

"You know that I needed time to recover," Dan said as he sat down on the couch. "Being thrown back into the real world is quite hard, especially after everything that I went through."

"I know Dan," Phil said. He wrapped his arms around Dan and pulled him closer. "I just want you to be happy, that's all that I care about. You know that's what I care about."

"I am happy. I'm happy to be with you, and I'm happy to be home. It's just… it's weird getting back into this whole youtube thing. It was part of my life for so long and then I just left it, and I'm still getting used to everything. But, I don't know, maybe this Vidcon thing could help me forget about all the bad things, even if it's just for a little bit," Dan said.

Phil smiled. "That's why I want you to go," he said. "To forget. Even just for a little while."

Dan took a deep breath. "I'm at eighty percent right now. So, I'll most likely go… because I don't want to be alone when you leave," He giggled and snuggled into Phil's sides.

Phil chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Dan and kissed his forehead. "I love you,"

"I love you too," Dan smiled as he looked up at Phil. "This is going to be such a hard decision."

"You still have plenty of time to think about it. Okay?" Phil told him.

Dan nodded and rested his head on Phil's chest. "I'm glad I have you here," He whispered.

Phil couldn't help but smile as he looked down at here. "You know I'll always be here for you."

"I know." Dan said. He sighed happily as he started to relax in Phil's arms.

"Wow," Dan breathed as he and Phil walked into their hotel room. They had just gotten to LA, and they were in their hotel room where they were staying at for Vidcon. Most youtubers stayed at the hotel where the convention was being held, but there were many people there and Phil just knew that Dan would have a panic attack if they stayed there. So, they thought it would be better to stay somewhere where it was more quiet and peaceful.

Dan hadn't been to LA in a couple of years, and he missed the sun.

"So you like the room then?" Phil asked as he shut the door behind him.

"I love it. Holy shit, there's a balcony!" Dan said excitedly as he ran over to the windows.

Phil chuckled as he watched Dan, he loved that Dan was so excited to be in LA. "You're like a little kid in a candy store," Phil said.

Dan rolled his eyes playfully as he looked over at Phil. "Can you blame me?" he asked.

"I guess not. You have every right to be excited," Phil walked over to Dan and wrapped his arms around him, kissing his neck gently. "I'm just happy that you're happy. But, you do realize… we will have to worry about actual Vidcon soon, right? We have a lot to do."

"I know that but, we still have a day to relax," Dan said.

"I guess so. What do you want to do first?" Phil asked.

"I want to see some of my friends. I've spent so much in the apartment that I never really got to reunite with them like I did with my family. Have you talked to Cat?" Dan asked.

"Cat will be here in less than an hour. She texted me as soon as she saw my tweets earlier," Phil told him.

Dan chuckled and shook his head. "I'm most excited about seeing Cat," he said.

"I think she's most excited about seeing you too," Phil said, chuckling.

Dan smiled and then he turned around so he was now facing Phil, and he gently wrapped his arms around Phil's neck and held onto him. "Can we cuddle? Until Cat gets here?" he asked.

"Cuddling would be nice. I'm still kind of tired from the plane ride," Phil said, sighing.

Dan smiled, grabbing Phil's hand and leading the way over to the bed.

"Cat's here!" Phil called as soon as he heard knocks at the door.

It was an hour later; Dan and Phil spent most of the hour cuddling in bed.

Dan chuckled as he watched Phil go over to the door. He stretched out his arms and legs before he finally stood up from the bed, and waited for Phil to let Cat come in.

Phil opened the door, looked up and smiled when he saw Cat, their best friend. "Hey!" He greeted as he pulled Cat into a hug. "It's so good to see you again."

"I'm so glad I texted you earlier," Cat said as she hugged Phil.

"Come in, come in," Phil said as they pulled away from the hug. Once Cat was in, he reached over and shut the door. He smiled as he looked over at Cat and Dan.

"Well, look who it is!" Cat smiled as she walked over to Dan and hugged him tightly.

"Hey Cat," Dan smiled as he hugged her back, happy to be with one of his best friends again.

"Your hair has grown back!" Cat said, giggling a little bit. She pulled away from the hug.

Dan laughed. "I know! I'm so glad. I mean… it took a couple months after I got home before it finally started growing out again. I've missed having hair on my head," he said, smiling.

"Aw man, it's so good to see you guys again," Cat said excitedly.

"We have a lot to catch up on," Phil said.

"Ain't that the truth," Dan said, laughing.

"So, how was your trip to LA?" Cat asked as she sat down on the bed.

The next day; Dan and Phil spent their time meeting up with all of their youtube friends and catching up with people that they hadn't seen in a couple of years.

Honestly, it helped Dan calm down more. Dan was more relaxed, and he knew that coming here to LA for Vidcon was a good thing and he was glad that he didn't stay home alone. He would have been missing all the fun. Everybody was happy, including Dan and Phil.

But now it was Friday, the official first day of Vidcon. Dan and Phil were getting ready to do their meetup together, and to say Dan was nervous was an understatement.

"Bear, please calm down. You're going to be fine," Phil assured Dan.

"There's a hell a lot of people out there," Dan said as he peeked through the curtains.

"Yeah, but they're all here to see you," Phil said.

"I just…" Dan sighed and looked over at Phil. "I can't handle the screaming."

"I don't blame you," Phil whispered. "But… there's nothing to be afraid of here."

"I can't help it. My mind just goes straight to negative things and I fucking hate it. I hate that I can't think normal anymore, and I hate that I'm afraid of so many things." Dan said.

"You went through a lot when you were in the army, okay? It's alright. I know you're worried about making a fool of yourself in front of people but it's going to be okay. People know that you went through a lot and they're not going to judge you for anything." Phil said.

"Maybe not… but they will pity me, and I don't want people to pity me," Dan mumbled.

"No one's going to pity you, okay? It won't be like that ever," Phil told him. He sighed as he watched Dan pace back and forth. "Will you stop pacing for a second?"

"No, I won't!" Dan yelled as he continued pacing.

Phil rolled his eyes, he reached over and grabbed Dan and turned him so that they were facing each other. "Listen to me, everything is going to be absolutely fine. We're going to do this meetup together and it's going to be fine. Do you understand me?" He asked.

Dan took a deep breath as he stared at Phil. "How do you put up with me?"

"I don't… it's called love," Phil whispered, smiling.

"Well, you're absolutely crazy for being in love with me," Dan said.

Phil smiled and he wrapped his arms around Dan, pulling him into a warm embrace. "I'm always going to be there for you, no matter what, okay?" he whispered.

Dan closed his eyes as he hid his face in Phil's chest. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The meetup had gone well; Dan had been shaky before he'd gone out but he went out smiling and was happy the whole meetup. Phil had noticed that he was nervous the first few minutes, but he quickly forgot his nerves and enjoyed the whole meetup. But despite all of that, Dan was pacing once again. Dan paced a lot when he was nervous, Phil picked up on that quickly.

"Dan, why in the world are you pacing again?" Phil asked, sighing as he watched his boyfriend.

"There's a lot of people in there!" Dan whined as he continued pacing.

It was a couple hours later when Dan and Phil were about to do a panel with a couple other youtubers. Dan was extremely nervous about it, more nervous than he was about the meetup, because he knew that someone was going to ask him about being in the army, and Dan wasn't sure if he was ready to answer any questions yet. Even though it's been nearly a whole year, he was still getting used to normal life and Phil knew this. They were still working through some things, and Dan knew that it would be quite awhile before things were one hundred percent.

"We've already gone through this. Yes, there's a lot of people out there… but they are all here to see you and meet you. Nobody here is going to hurt you, okay?" Phil said.

"Is he always like that?" Phil looked over and was relieved when he saw Tyler Oakley, who was another youtuber that was going to be on the panel with them.

"Not normally. He's only been like this since he's been back," Phil told him.

"I guess I don't blame him," Tyler said as he watched Dan pace back and forth.

"We're still working through some things," Phil said, sighing.

"Anyways… we're going to be on in ten minutes," Tyler told them.

"Ten minutes?!" Dan asked, immediately looking over at Tyler.

"Uh, yeah. I'll see you on the panel," Tyler said before walking away.

Phil sighed as he watched Tyler walk away before looking back over at Dan.

"Phil, I really don't know if I'll be able to do this," Dan said, walking over to Phil.

"Hey, no… you can do this. I have faith in you," Phil said.

"I don't know how I'm going to handle it. What if they ask me questions about being in the army?"

"You don't have to answer anything that you don't want to answer, okay?" Phil told him. He wrapped his arms around Dan like last time and pulled him into a hug. "I'm going to be right there next to you the whole time, just hold my hand any time you get scared or nervous."

Dan sighed as he rested his head on Phil's chest. "I'm sorry," He mumbled.

"What are you sorry for?" Phil asked, gently rubbing Dan's back.

"For being such a pain in the ass all the time," Dan mumbled.

Phil chuckled and shook his head. "You are a pain in the ass most of the times but, it's okay… I'm going to be there for you no matter what, okay? We're in this together," He said.

"How'd I get so lucky?" Dan asked as he looked up at Phil.

"What do you mean?" Phil asked, smiling down at Dan.

"I mean… God, how'd I get so lucky to have someone like you in my life?" Dan asked.

Phil smiled. "Guess we both got lucky," He said, wrapping his arms tighter around Dan.

"I don't know where I'd be without you," Dan said as he hugged Phil tightly.

"Come on Bear, I'm always going to be there for you," Phil said.

So the panel had started; it was a bunch of youtubers talking about how to get started on youtube, and basically just giving advice to the audience about youtube. Dan was enjoying himself so far, with Phil sitting next to him and keeping him calm and collected.

But it wasn't long until someone asked Dan what it was like to be back from the army.

All eyes were on Dan, including Phil's. Dan almost froze, and started to panic.

"Um-" Dan began to say. He took a deep breath. "I knew this was going to be asked, and I understand why some people are curious about what happened while I was away… but I'm not going to get into too much detail. Maybe I'll make a video about it someday… I don't know. What was the question again?" Dan asked, looking over at the presenter.

Phil chuckled rolled his eyes at Dan, not surprised at all. The audience laughed as well.

"What's it like being back?" The presenter told him.

"Oh! Hm. Well, it's been a year since I've been back so I've pretty much gotten used to being back although it did take a few months to get used to certain things. It's like I never left really, which I suppose is a good thing. Obviously I'm still getting used to being back, since I haven't made a bloody video in like three months. They are coming, I swear! But yeah, everything's fine."

Phil smiled proudly at Dan. He was proud that Dan was able to answer the question without freaking himself out too much, considering how nervous he was before the panel started.

An hour passed and the panel was finally over. First day of Vidcon, was finally done.

Dan couldn't be more relieved to be back at the hotel with Phil. He just wanted to lay down on the bed and cuddle with Phil, while watching TV and eat food. Just relax. He'd been going since 7am this morning which he hadn't done in awhile. Even though he was exhausted, he still had fun.

"I'm so tired," Dan whined as he collapsed onto the bed.

"And we have to do it all again tomorrow," Phil said as he crawled onto the bed beside Dan.

Dan groaned. "Not looking forward to it," He said as he rested his head onto the pillow.

"Oh, come on. It wasn't that bad, was it?" Phil asked, rubbing Dan's back gently.

"I guess not. It was fun and everything, but it's just so tiring," Dan said.

"Yeah, I guess so. But it's all worth it though," Phil added.

Dan turned around on his back, letting out a yawn. "I might even go to bed early tonight,"

"You must be really worn out," Phil said jokingly, laughing when Dan hit him.

"You're so mean," Dan whined as he curled up next to Phil.

Phil smiled as he wrapped his arm around Dan and pulled him closer.

"Dan?" Phil asked, looking down at him. "Are you happy?"

Dan immediately looked up at Phil. "Of course I am."

"I mean like… are you happy that you came here? To LA?" Phil asked.

"I am. I really am happy that I came. I got to see all my friends again and I got to meet loads of new people who still support me, even after being gone for four years," Dan said.

"I just… I just don't want you to feel like you have to do certain things," Phil said.

Dan shook his head. "Don't worry. I mean, I know you're worried but… I'm happy. Sure, I panic and I get nervous sometimes but, I'm always happy. Especially whenever I'm with you."

"As long as you're happy, that's all that matters to me." Phil smiled.

"You don't have to worry about that, because I definitely am happy," Dan said. He wrapped his arm around Phil and held onto him, resting his head on Phil's chest.

"I'm glad, because you deserve to be happy after everything you've been through,"

"I think, as long as I have you in my life, I'll be just fine." Dan whispered.

"That's good, because I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." Phil said.


End file.
